How to Annoy Your Parents

Your Quick Guide of Tested and Proven Methods

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Trial Lesson #1: Watch your language
“No!”
“Huh?”
The most basic words to get on your parents’ nerves. Almost instinctual, these two words drive parents absolutely wild, especially as a response to their requests. The key is perseverance. If done in a consistent, frequent and obnoxious manner, it would eventually wear any parent down.

In order to use the word “No!” effectively, deliver the imperative in loud and high-pitch manner in the middle of their speech, as if it were an epithet. Another method, though less effective, is to repeat the word “No!” in one set of five reps. This, however, should be done in a softer and more resigned manner. For best results, shake your head as a gentle emphasis.

For maximum damage in the use of the word “Huh?” one should strive to use it roughly 5 to 6 seconds after a request is made, preferably with with a slack jaw expression and raised eyebrows. Then allow this moment to fossilise until your parents find it unbearable and start to make their request again. Repeat as necessarily, although it is advisable not to use it more than 3 consecutive times or on matters in which your abilities have been revealed.

Trial Lesson #2: Be Illogical
Early on in your career as a child, your parents would have definitely asked you “What do you want, dear – A or B?” It is therefore imperative that you must not fall into the trap of false choice but instead, go for an option “C”. However, it is not enough to go for any random option “C” – always work from the impossible before presenting the most viable option to your parents. Remember, you must dream big!

And never follow the crowd. Ignore your parents’ puzzled looks at your logic, like heating up food when you are hungry but leave your food to cool so you can eat it. Or loudly proclaim that you will not do something, then proceed to perform the task with such gusto they have no choice but to admire your commitment.

NEVER GIVE UP!

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Haha, I’m an evil genius! Except for the genius part. In all honesty, this is too fun not to write.

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